'Dear God, why have so many bad things happened to me? Why is that I am so alone?' That is the thought that was running through my head, as I stood here. Here, in the middle of this bridge, peering over the edge.

Yea, I was going to jump. I wanted all the pain and suffering to end. I was going to end it all. That is what *I* wanted. That was, until, someone helped me change my mind.

Hi, my name is Sean, and this is my story, not a happy one, but its mine, so you can take it, or leave it.

It wasn't overnight, that I made this decision to take my life, NO, not in the least. It happened over a period of couple of years, and each BAD thing that happened to me, just added to the burden I was already carrying.

First, it was my ex-girlfriend, that really started it all. With the big breakup, and the lawyers, and all the legal mumbo jumbo, I ended up a hollow shell, of the man I once used to be. I would do anything for my kids, for they are everything, they were my life. How I will miss them. I hope they don't take this too hard, if that is, their MOTHER ever tells them, that I took my own life.

What would turn a woman that you love with all your heart, into something, that you can't even be in the same room with? How many sleepless nights, I have pondered that. I still haven't found the answer. She was so sweet, then, like Merlin waved his magic wand, and poof, she was the worlds biggest lemon. Sour to the core.

Then, there was the 'job'. My seemingly dead-end job, that I was starting to really dislike. I guess, I was really starting to hate. First, there was the understanding, "of course, we understand that you are going through some hard times, but you need to see our point too, we can't just let others get away with the loss of performance, so you must be reprimanded." Reprimanded, hell it was more like punishment. I was transferred, to another location, at a much lower paying position, and put on probation. Hell, for years, I was a star employee, well, in all honesty, maybe not a star, but I wasn't a problem employee either.

So, one year, after the big breakup, I was forced to move, and without visitation to my kids. I am not a religious person, per se, but this is as close to hell as I wanted to get.

Being motivated by the almighty dollar, I struggled to keep my "new job", and my new bosses happy. There were days, though, that I should've been fired. I know that now. But, with a little luck, and a lot of begging, they allowed me to stay. Of course, my probation period was extended, with each incident.

Then the bad news, I thought I had prepared myself for, my dad. He finally passed away, at the age of 91! He was kinda getting slower and just not staying as active as he used to. It was to be expected, after all, the heart surgery he had when he was 84, wasn't guaranteeing that he would live forever. It was his time, just as I was thinking, now was mine.

That wasn't the straw that broke the camel's back though.

The final factor, in this big equation, of life vs death, was the "accidental" death of my own children. Even the courts, in their vast wisdom, didn't consider the facts that because their mom was a drunk, didn't deter their determination. She still got custody, and because of that decision, my children are dead, and she lies in a coma, a innocent *victim* of her own drunk driving.

The pain and suffering will end tonight. I swear to it.

So, here we are back in the middle of the bridge.

I am going to jump. Yup, going to jump, over the railing, falling however many feet it is, and with any luck at all, break my neck on impact, and if that doesn't do it, I should drown at that point. That is what I am going to do.

Right now, just get it over and done with.

Any second now, wait, what, someone is coming.

"What's ya doin' mister?"

"Huh?"

"I said, what's ya doin'?"

Breaking me out of my haze, I looked to see a young man, maybe in his early teens, about five and a half feet tall, short brown hair, slender, but the most amazing green eyes. They shone bright in the night, piercing me, seemingly to my very core.

"I said, what's ya doin'? Are you deaf?"

"NO, I am not 'deaf', just 'thinking'."

"Thinking about jumping, are you?" he asked, then smiled, looking like a little angel, completely innocent.

'What is this kids problem, why won't he leave me alone?' I thought, so I looked at him again, "Its no business of *yours* as to what I am thinking!"

"If you say so, but it looks to me like you want to jump."

"Look kid, I just came out here to think, the fresh air helps me think better."

"Sure it does, and as soon as I leave, your gonna jump, I know it." His face losing that grin, and he started to frown.

"Wha, wha what do think, I am stupid or something? Do you think, that if I really came out here to jump, that you would be able to stop me?" I was starting to get perturbed with this kid, this damn interloper, he was trying to change my mind, this, this, ahhrrrgg. This little brown haired, green eyed angel was trying to stop me.

"Nah, you're only stupid if you think that will solve anything." He was obviously enjoying this little game he had started, for he was grinning real big now.

"My name is Justin, what's yours?" he asked as he held his hand out for a shake.

I started to think, why the hell is this kid doing this to me, doesn't he realize I have enough problems already? "Uh, Sean, my name is Sean." I just looked at his hand, not wanting to shake it, for what difference would it make.

"Yeah, I knew that. I just wanted to see if you would be honest enough with me to tell me your real name."

"wha, huh? How?" I was getting tongue tied at this minute, for it seemed like this kid had all the answers, even to the questions yet to be asked.

"Come on Sean, I want to show you something, ok?"

"NO, I came out here to do some thinking, and you're interrupting my thoughts, just leave me alone!!"

"Sean, I am serious, if you don't like what I show you, or can tell you, you can come back here to jump, if that is what you really want, ok?" He was starting to lose his smile as he said this, and for the first time since he walked up to me, he didn't look full of energy. Even his eyes were losing their sparkle. "Hurry up now, I don't have much time, if you want me to bring you back here to end your life."

He said that with so much conviction, it didn't leave me much room to argue, let alone time to think as he had grabbed my hand in a vice like grip.

We walked in silence, for what seemed like an eternity. All he did was look at me, with those green orbs of his, and I could tell that he was serious. I felt so weird, walking with this kid, who seemed to know me, while he held my hand like it was nothing.

After about 7or 8 blocks, we stopped in front of, what is this? "Why are we here?" I spat out, with enough sarcasm in my voice that he started to cringe.

"Why, don't you believe in God?" We were standing in front of an old church, one that looked like it had been abandoned a long time ago. Many of the windows, were either gone or broken, with the big cross in the big window, the only sign that it was a holy place.

"No, I don't." I almost whispered.

"How come?" His grip was loosening, just a tad, as he was starting to massage my hand.

"You, you wouldn't understand."

"Why??"

As I looked at him, his face had dropped, his eyes were now moist, as if he could suddenly feel all the pain I have suffered.

"If there was a God, why does he make us suffer so much?" My voice was starting to crack, and my own eyes started to betray me, as a single tear fell down my cheek.

"Well, God works in mysterious ways, and sometimes bad things need to happen, so the good things can be more accepted" was his reply. "Will you go in and pray with me, just to humor me, please?"

He didn't give me the chance to reply, for he was dragging me up the stairs, never letting go of my hand. I had to really pause at the door, with him stretching my arm to its limits. I hadn't been to church in so long, why tonight, of all nights, would someone want to bring me to HIS house, when I was going to take my own life?

So, as I relented, we proceeded to go down the aisle, stopping a few pews from the front. He pushed me into the seat, and slid in next to me, never losing the hand he was holding. As he bowed his head, tears started running down his cheeks, he was silently crying, and praying at the same time!

This was too much, I broke down, crying myself. What does this kid have to worry about? He has his whole life in front of him, he's good looking, from the way he dresses, he's not from a bad home. So why is he crying? If he only knew the injustices, and all the pain and suffering I have been through, then, he would have something to cry about.

He stopped crying for a minute, as he asked, "Do you know what today is?"

Being that I was going to end my life, I really didn't give a hoot, but then it dawned on me, December 21.

"Well, it's the longest night of the year, why?" I said with a slight smile, trying hard to hide the tears.

"NO, you silly, its the winter solstice, the shortest day of the year." Then he smiled, as he figured out what I had said.

"Ok, time to go, life's too short as it is." He said winking at me. What in the *world* is up with this kid.

It was a real funny feeling that I had, as we left that church, it was if a big burden had been lifted. The feeling of love was again entering my heart.

Justin, held my hand tighter, as we continued down the street, hanging a left at the intersection, then continuing up the main street.

"Hurry, times running out, and we need to get there fast, so hurry up!" His voice was starting to scare me. There was a certain coldness in his voice now as he spoke.Why was he in such a big hurry, and why is time running out?

We were approaching a hospital, which one, I don't know, when he suddenly started to sprint. Being not in as good shape as I once was, he let go of my hand, and continued to run at top speed toward the hospital. I tried as hard as I could, but he got over 30 yards ahead of me, by the time he was at the front doors. Funny thing, I never saw them open, or him actually enter.

Arriving at the front doors, the realization that this was one of the many children's hospitals in the area, I was starting to panic. I pushed the doors open, and looked around. Where did he go?

The nurse at the front desk noticed me, breathing hard, and obviously looking lost, came over.

"Can I help you?"

"Maybe, there was a kid I was with, about 5'6" tall, slender, short brown hair, green eyes, did he come running in here?"

Nurse Joy, (yea that was her name) gave me a surprised look, and then turned around, went back to the desk, and picked up a phone.

She left so abruptly, I was in more shock than when I entered that when she came back over, she had to grab my arm and shake it, to see if I was ok.

"Excuse me sir, but no child fitting that description came in here before you, but for some reason, we do have a patient that fits that description, here in the ICU."

"What?" My mind was racing now, unable to grab hold of any thoughts that would seem reasonable.

"I have asked the director, and he said it would be ok just this once, for young Justin to have a last minute visitor."

"Ju-Ju-Jus Justin? Did you just say your patient's name was Justin? How long has he been here?" My eyes were as big as saucers.

"Justin was transferred here about three weeks ago, and has been in a coma for the last two."

I just about fainted when the nurse said that, for she was leading me over to a chair to sit down.

"NO!, I must see him for myself!" I jerked my arm away from her, and gave her a stern look.

"Please sir, just take a minute and calm yourself, please, this is a hospital after all, and all of the patients are not well"

"Sorry, really I am, but please let me see for myself, if this is the same kid I have spent the last couple of hours with?"

"Yes sir, follow me, but remember, please be quiet, Justin isn't very well at all."

We got into the elevator, and went up a couple of floors, and when the doors opened, I was overcome with a feeling of dread.

Once again, Nurse Joy to the rescue, she grabbed my arm and slowly lead me down the hall towards the ICU.

She stopped a few doors from the end, letting go of my arm, but for some reason, I continued to walk down another room or two, stopping in front of one door in particular.

"Go on in, he is resting now, he doesn't have much time." She was walking forward now, meeting me at the door.

I gently pushed the door open, in case this was just a big misunderstanding, or someones bad attempt at pulling a prank on me.

With the gentle light flowing from the overhead light on his bed, it was no joke. My eyes immediately started to water, and I walked over to his bed, sat gently beside him, and held his hand.

"Wha, what is the matter with him? sniff"

"He is dire straights, and needs an organ transplant, kidney to be precise, and a bone marrow transplant. But he is so far down the list, there wont be a tomorrow for him." She said with tears running down from her own eyes.

"What!" My voice betraying the hurt and anger I was starting to feel. "Sorry, but what do you mean, there won't be a 'tomorrow'?"

"His time is running short, and the doctors don't think he will last the night, he has been on all the national donor lists, but his blood type is so rare, a donor hasn't come forward yet, or been found."

"Will you test my blood now?!" I said it with so much feeling, that I surprised myself.

"Yes, if you can wait a few minutes, I will go get the doctor." She said this as a warm smile began to grow.

She left the room, and gently closed the door, leaving me, a complete stranger, alone with a patient that was hanging onto life by a thread.

I looked down at his face, so innocent, so pure, if I had to give him my last drop of blood I would. What did he do to me, for just a short time ago, I was ready to end my own life, and now, seeing him in his last hours, makes all my own problems seem so insignificant.

The doctor arrived, looked at me and my tear soaked eyes, said nothing, but drew the blood needed for the test. As he got to the door, he turned, looked at me, shook his head and left.

"Sorry, but the doctor doesn't want to get anyone's hope up. We have been trying everything to save lil Justin. Before he slipped into his coma, everyone here just fell in love with him. He was so full of life, and such a lovely young man, so happy, sniff, that we... sniff, sniff, we just hate it that we can't do anything to save him." She was about into a full cry now, turning to leave us once again. I am sure she was breaking down right outside the door, for I could hear the sobs of someone crying in the hallway.

'Dear God, forgive me, for my temptations to take my own life, but please if you can hear me, please let us be a blood match, sweet Justin needs to live, he is too young, and you have already taken too many from me. Please, God, if you are real, please let us survive, both of us, for if we weren't meant to be together, tonight wouldn't have happened. Please God, I am praying, praying from my heart, so please hear me.'

The tears were flowing from my eyes nonstop. What had happened to me? Why did this happen, and why did I have so much love for him, in such a short time?

The door to the room flew open, and there was a flurry of activity going all around us. The doctor handed me a paper to sign, so I could be an organ and tissue donor.

"There is no time to waste, hurry up and sign, we are racing against the clock, and against all the odds of this turning out for the better."

I couldn't have signed that paper fast enough, for the anesthesiologist was already there, giving me a shot in preparation for surgery.

"Doc, if anything, make sure he survives, ok, he has to survive, even at the cost of my own miserable life."

"You both should be fiiinnnneee."

Then the drugs took effect, and that was the last thing I heard.

How much later was it, I had no idea. The only thing I could tell was there was another person in the room staring at me.

"Good morning."

Wait, I know that voice, I struggled to turn my head so I could see with my own eyes. IT WAS. It was Justin staring at me.

"Good morning, back at ya, champ!"

"Thanks, thanks for the best Christmas present ever!" His voice was filled with love and happiness.

"Christmas? Have we been out that long?"

"Nah, only you. The doctors were confused, you seemed to have given up, and not wanted to pull through. But I prayed for you last night, telling God the only thing that would make my life worth living, was to be able to spend it with the one person whom I love, and the only person willing to sacrifice himself for me."

"So, I guess, we both got what we wanted for Christmas, huh champ?"

A Note from Str8mayB: This is a first posted story for this author. I think (hope, pray) that he will continue writing. He has sent me another story and with a little work we may see him as a hosted author here on the Fort. Please send him some encouragement if this story touched your heart. Merry Christmas.