|A Promise Kept|
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"Honey, wake up I need to talk to you." mom said quietly. She wakes up early everyday along with dad, but why did she have to wake me up at eight?
"Go away," I said sternly.
"Tyler, please." I felt the bed lean in to the side and then I felt her hand rubbing my hair.
"I want to sleep, not talk."
"Fine, I'll talk to you any ways. I want you to know I do not resent you because you are gay. You know better than to think that. I'm very sorry that I slapped you. I just got freaked out when I saw you two. But whatever you do is your business and not mine. Just know that I don't resent you, Tyler." she said sincerely.
"Can I sleep now?"
After a few moments of complete silence she responded, "Yeah, sure." Then she got up and walked out of my room, closing my door.
She apologized, but I still feel like she didn't like the fact that I am gay. I'm just gonna stay in bed all day and sleep.
Last night, Lynette blew up after seeing Tyler and I with no shirts on. I hope everything is all right. I sure didn't mean to cause a fuss. Mike said it would be better today, but I haven't heard from Tyler all day; it's already two. I decided I would just go over for a little while. Today is Saturday and I was hoping for him and me to go to the mall or something.
I finally got to his house. Everyone was home so I figured that things might be a little better. But Tyler's Murano was out as well. I hope he didn't leave any where last night. I went up and knocked on the door.
"Hi, Lynette," I said as she opened the door. She didn't look to happy. In fact, she looked like she had been crying.
"Oh, hello, Jared," she said quietly. "Come in, please."
"Thank you," I walked in and she walked me to the kitchen. She asked me to sit down so we could talk. "Look Lynette, I just want to tell you I'm sorry for upsetting you last night. I had no intention of . . ."
She held up her hand and turned her head away.
"No, Jared, I am sorry for being that way. After you left I started to yell at Tyler. After taking some heat from me he said he was going to bed. As he was walking away I spun him around and I^ĹI slapped him." she started to softly cry. "He screamed at me and said I slapped him because I resented him for being gay, not for having your shirts off. This morning I tried apologizing to him, but he didn't want to listen."
I just looked at her in disbelief. How could she slap him? I guess it was an accident, kind of. And how could Tyler think she resented him because he's gay? Maybe it was those feelings he had inside of him that he talked to me about. Those painful feelings that have been bottled up inside of him for quite some time. Maybe those painful feelings came out in hate and anger.
"Would you like me to talk to him?" I asked.
"Please, please do that," she took my hand in hers and squeezed gently.
Tyler's door was shut and his room sounded silent. I just walked in figuring he wasn't changing. He was sound asleep in his bed.
"Tyler, babe," I said as I sat down on the edge of his bed.
"Mm, hey, Jared." he moaned sleepily.
"I want to talk to you about some things. First, I know what your mom did to you and I think that is wrong, but she didn't know what she was doing. Second, she doesn't resent you because you're gay. She just freaked out because she was drunk. Don't think she hates you." I said while rubbing his stomach. His eyes started to get misty and he turned away.
"Do you know what it's like to be hated by your parents after everything I've been through?"
"No, but I do know what it's like to be hated."
"I don't care that she apologized. I'm not going to forgive her! She hates me!"
"Tyler! She does not hate you. She is so sorry for hitting you. You need to forgive her."
"Don't tell me what I need to do!"
"I'm just trying to help you, babe."
"Yeah, well I don't need your help! I don't need you at all!"
Suddenly, he bolted out of bed and grabbed a shirt on his way downstairs.
"Tyler?" Lynette shouted.
He got to the front door and ran out to his Murano. The engine roared and he screeched down the street, out of sight.
How could Jared take my mom's side in all of this? He's my boyfriend and he is supposed to take my side. I'm so mad at both of them right now. Maybe I just need to cool down. I decided to just go to a restaurant and chill out. The least crowded place was this little café downtown.
I went in and sat myself. My waiter asked what I wanted to drink and I told him coffee. Then I ordered my meal. Hours later, I was still sitting at the same table. I was crying non-stop, but I was trying not to be noticeable.
I overreacted a lot since last night. I know mom didn't slap me because I'm gay, but it felt like it. Her and dad have always supported me about being gay so what would her reason be to start hating me now? There isn't one. And Jared. Jared was just trying to help us out and I blew up on him, possibly screwing our relationship up. I don't understand why I acted like that. Feelings I've had since my birth parents' death were bottled up inside of me. I feel guilty and sadness and anger and confusion. All those feelings are together inside of me and they come out all at once sometimes. They won't go away. You may think I'm crazy, maybe I am, but you have no idea how I work. I'm so complicated.
More hours passed as I sat at my table drinking more and more coffee. The weird thing is that coffee doesn't give me a buzz at all. I can drink cup after cup and not feel any different.
"Sir, we are closing in ten minutes so if you are not going to order anything else I'm going to have to bring you your check." the waiter said.
"Oh, I'm sorry. Yes, the check would be nice, thank you." I said politely.
"Tyler?" someone asked. I turned my head to see who it was.
"Oh, hi, Andrew." I said surprised. "You work here?"
"Yeah, I just got off though. You here alone?"
"Yeah, Jared and I kind of got into a fight. It's my fault though." I said sadly.
"I'm sorry for that. Can I do anything?" he asked as he sat down next to me. Suddenly I had this strange feeling he was coming on to me. Jared had talked to me about this and he told me he felt threatened by Andrew. But I can't imagine why.
"Nah, I just came here to cool off."
"I see," he said, "well, do you wanna talk?"
Over the next few minutes I explained to him what happened and that I blew up on both of them for no reason. He was a very intent listener. He was even telling me things like the fact that he's emancipated and owns his own apartment just across the street. And something that made me realize something about him, he gave me his room number.
"Wow, that's a lot. I don't want to cross any lines, but if I was with you I'd always take you side." Andrew said seductively.
"Yeah, I'd treat you like a king." he kept scooting in closer to my face. Then he did the most unexpected thing. He kissed me. I was returning the kiss, but then reality hit me.
I pushed him away quickly and said loudly, "What the hell are you doing? I have a boyfriend."
"But you returned the kiss."
"I was in shock. I think you should leave."
"Careful Tyler, I wouldn't do anything stupid." he said before he stood up and walked out of the restaurant.
I touched my lips and started to cry again. Why didn't I pull back sooner? But Andrew caught me off guard so it wasn't all my fault. The waiter brought my check and I gave him some cash. Before he could bring me back my change, if I even needed any, I ran out to my Murano. I don't usually say this or even think it, but I need some alcohol.
There was a liquor store down the street so I figured I could ask someone to buy me some.
"Sir?" I asked a man in his mid-twenties, "Can you do me a favor?"
"Um, sure kid. What?" he asked curiously.
"Can you buy me some kind of alcohol? I'll give you money and everything. Just a small bottle of something."
"You're kidding me, right?" he almost laughed.
I looked at him through my misty eyes and the saddest expression I could make out and quietly said, "No, I'm not kidding you."
My sad faces got them every time. He stuck out his hand and I gave him ten dollars. A few minutes later he came out with a bottle of vodka. I ran back to my Murano and drove off to a deserted run down park. I twisted off the cap and took a big gulp. Yeah, it was really gross, but I could already feel it taking some pain away.
I started to think about things. Yelling at my mom, and blowing up on Jared, Andrew giving me that kiss, and me sitting here drinking this vodka. What the hell was I doing? I had a family that loved me and a boyfriend who adored me. I've been so selfish. I took one last gulp and then threw the bottle out of my window. It wasn't a good idea for me to drink and drive, but I had to get home and solve my problems.
I finally arrived on my street and saw Jared's Z still across the street. Great, he is still here. Now I don't have to go to his house. Not that his parents would have minded, considering they're never even home half the time, but I just never felt really comfortable at his house. Anyways, I parked my Murano and sat there for a few minutes before turning off the engine and walking inside.
"Oh, my God, Tyler! It's eleven. I was so worried!" Jared jumped into my arms and said.
"I'm sorry you were so worried, but sit down. There's something I need to talk to you and my mom about. Well, my mom first and then you. Okay?" I said softly.
"Okay, that's fine. Your mom is upstairs in her work room."
"Thanks, babe." I kissed him.
I walked upstairs quietly and went into her work room. Mom did a lot of crafty things and sewing and knitting and quilting so she needed her own room. But it's not like we couldn't afford to give a room to her.
"Mom," I cautiously said, "can I come in?"
"Yes, sweetheart," she said turning towards me.
"Look, mom, I am so sorry about how I acted. I know you don't resent me because I'm gay. And I just wanted you to know that I forgive you." I gave her a weak smile.
"I know, Tyler, and I am so sorry for slapping you." she said sincerely again. She stood up and grabbed me in a hug.
"I am so sorry for being selfish." I sobbed.
"Shh, it's all right."
We stood there, hugging each other until she pulled away and rubbed a stray tear running down my cheek.
"I have to go talk to Jared now."
"Okay sweetie, I'm going to bed now. I'll see you in the morning."
"Love you, mom."
"Love you too, Tyler."
I crept downstairs to find Jared sitting at the dining room table drinking a glass of water. He looked like he had been doing some major crying.
He hurriedly looked up at me, but didn't smile. I knew he was upset at me. In all truth I would be too.
"I am so sorry, Jared. You were trying to help me and I shut you out. I did a lot of thinking today and I realized that those feelings can come out not only in sadness, but anger too. And confusion. Just know that I love you so much and I wouldn't be stupid enough to ever let you go." I smiled at him forcing back more tears. He looked like he was about to cry, again.
"I know you are sorry. That hurt me so much though, Tyler." he now cried.
"Sorry, I am so sorry. I love you, Jared. I love you so much." I grabbed his hand and gently pulled him up and then I hugged him. He cried harder on my shoulder. I rubbed his back telling him that I love him.
"Now," I pulled away from him, "I have something to tell you, but don't react until I've told you the whole story. And remember it's a good thing because it brought us back together."
I kicked Andrew's front door open. It swung open and hit the wall behind it hard. I calmly walked in and cocked my head. Andrew jumped from his couch and stood in awe.
"Ding dong." I said.
"I don't know what Tyler told you, but he came on to me!" he blurted out.
"I'm sorry. I didn't quite catch that. Why don't you just come on over here and say that to my face!" I said as I walked over to him. He walked behind a small, round coffee table and went around it when I started to walk towards him.
"Stay away from me." Andrew said.
"Uncle Andrew!" a little girl shouted.
I looked at her and froze. Andrew looked at me then at her. I put on a fake smile and said, "Everything's all right. So you can just go back in your room and play."
"Kayla, don't move." Andrew said sternly.
I sighed and rubbed my forehead. Then I took a deep breath.
"Okay, never mind, I'm leaving." I waved my hands and started to walk away. "First I'm gonna give your uncle a hug."
I quickly grabbed Andrew and hugged him tightly. I started to speak viciously into his ear.
"Your association with my boyfriend is now over. You will never again see my boyfriend. And if you try to, I will do to your spine what I just did to your front door. Nod, if you understand."
Hastily, Andrew nodded his head. I pulled back and smiled at his niece. I then left his apartment with nothing else to say to him.
Tyler told me about everything that happened tonight. Him going to the café, Andrew kissing him and how he didn't pull back right away, and the buying of the vodka. The thing that pissed me off the most was the kissing thing with Andrew. I wasn't necessarily mad at Tyler, but mostly at Andrew for having the nerve.
I understand everything Tyler is going through. His feelings are complicated, but they don't scare me. One thing you should know about me is that I don't get scared away. I face any and all problems head on. I'm not saying Tyler is weak, of course, but he doesn't. He looks for simpler solutions. But that's just another reason I love him.
"Have fun?" Tyler asked as I walked in his room.
"Yeah, loads of fun." I giggled back. He stared at me as I took my shoes off. I unhurriedly moved towards his bed, trying to make him suffer; I knew what he wanted. "Can I show you how much I love you?"
"You can do whatever you want, my love." he almost drooled.
"Good, I feel like pleasing my angel tonight."
In a world filled with darkness, we all need some kind of light. Whether it's a great flame that shows us how to win back what we've lost, or a powerful beacon intended to scare away potential monsters. Or a few glowing bulbs that reveal to us the hidden truth of our past. We all need something to help us get through the night. Even if it's just the tiniest glimmer of hope.